A moment of candor. While it may be true that every man’s home is his castle, in 2020 it’s also become my prison. I do my best to make it sparkle with LED candles and lights I can adjust with an app to match my moods (frequently used), because it compensates for the silence when there’s no music left to play, and I grow tired of dreaming because what I want most is live in the now with another.
Try as I might, I’ve also realized there’s no LED light or Phillips Hue’s setting to mask the fact that this house is haunted, and the ghost that keeps me up at night – pacing the hardwood floors, burdened by footsteps not present – is me. But like any emancipation worth fighting for, mine is sparked by hope, and it begins with this moment of candor and resolve… I am broken by the loneliness of this quarantine, but I will be a better man for having experienced it. I am no stranger to plagues nor the divisiveness and loneliness they invoke. I’ve been humbled by nature before, and I am comforted in knowing, like before, I will emerge from this house wiser, more appreciative, humble, kind and determined.
To be clear, I’m not looking for invitations to parties. While I may not want to be here, I’m not looking to go back to February either. My isolation is not bound by this house; it’s enshrouded by the times we live in. Social distancing and pretending to be normal, at times, only amplifies and makes a mockery of the loneliness I feel.
Nor is this post a cry for help; the last thing I’m looking for is pity for being vulnerable out loud (that’s so 2019). This is an acknowledgement, however, of the sadness most of us are enduring in some form or another. For those weathering this storm alone, playing by the rules, surveying a kingdom of none, I wanted to write the words we need to hear most – You are not alone. 💪❤️✨
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