To sum up the past year, I was never more alone than I was in 2021, and yet, I never felt more content. 2021 was the first year where I was accountable to no one – man or animal – except for the gentleman in the mirror, and I seized the moment, however taxing at times, to use the past twelve months to ground myself and reclaim my voice, without interruptions, distractions, or opinions.
Where my home felt like a prison in 2020, in 2021 it became my sanctuary, a place to ponder my 50 laps around the sun and tap back into my youth and creativity. The independence I was seeking in 2021 was a solo mission, which came at a cost, of course. Despite being single and quarantine lifting, there were no dates in 2021, no hook ups from dating apps… no affection(‘ish). No need to complicate things, I figured. Despite any physical needs I had, I’d weathered enough storms to appreciate the times for what they were, a fated pit stop on my journey where I could reconnect with myself without the influence, judgement, or expectations of another, a unique moment in time where at 50 I could evaluate past relationships, mistakes, and needs before taking a more purposeful step forward, with or without someone’s hand to hold.
I was receptive to love in 2021, but I didn’t seek it. If it was mine to have, love would reveal itself. Come what may. However much I may try to romanticize the past twelve months, however, it wasn’t my objective to abstain from love entering last January, but I’m grateful the year unfolded the way it did. It forced me to reconcile my past, to reconnect with ghosts long ignored, who I’d discover waiting patiently with the keys to my future in tow. There is no greater love, after all, then the love of one’s self. Without it, I’d likely enter my next relationship hobbled and insecure, questioning my self worth and reflection, making it my partner’s fault that I felt like I was never enough, that happiness wasn’t mine to have because of him.
I’m a sucker for a time capsule. Given the lessons of the past year, I went with a more intimate setting for my annual homage to “me, myself, and eye”. It takes a liberated man to highlight his red panties, after all. Besides, it’s New Years Eve. We should all feel encouraged to take a bold step forward.
If I could astral project back in time, I’d let me know where I got it wrong. While I was a romantic at heart with good intentions, I was blinded by my emotions and hopes; I sought love for validation and acceptance, allowed the loudest voices to define my worth. In the end, if you have to fight for love, it wasn’t yours for the taking. The only thing worth truly fighting for in this world is life. And so long as you fight with bravery, honor, and kindness, love follows.
While I may have put the one in 2021, tonight I toast to love and the number 2. Happy New Year, Beautiful People. ❤️🥳 🎉
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