When you realize Grandpa Joe was actually Willy Wonka… and why it took him so long to get out of bed. 😢
I’m coming to learn that the hardest part of my journey over the past few months isn’t family betrayal. As my childhood slowly unravels before me, what breaks me ticker most is remembering a dear friend I never knew I had.
The last time I saw Grandpa Joe was in 2000, when mum and I swung by to see him and his wife, Pat, during our millennial rainbow tour through Reading, PA. Of all my Grandparents, Grandpa Joe was always a stranger to me despite the time we spent together in 1978, when mum and I lived in townhouses connected to his backyard.
However awkward I felt around Grandpa Joe, there was a standout moment during our last time together. I had added something to a conversation between me mum and Pat, likely something witty and charming in the way that I do (not bragging, just saying 💅), when I heard Grandpa Joe giggling in the corner.
Grandpa Joe was the classic strong and silent type, not a man I’d ever expect to hear giggling. When I faced him, however, me ticker melted even further. He was leaning deep into the corner of the couch with his arms stretched out and his hands tucked between his legs like a child with a secret; I half expected to see his legs kicking back and forth.
Grandpa Joe was in his late 80’s at the time, so I chalked up his behavior to advanced age. Still, I felt something. Grandpa Joe’s eyes were very telling, they were locked onto me and tears were building up. He was laughing to avoid crying, one of my signature moves. And when I smiled at him, his face erupted in joy as he leaned even further back into the corner of the couch as if to hide.
Grandpa Joe died on Valentines Day 2002. I was living in San Francisco at the time. However much I may have wanted to say goodbye to him, several months before his death I was diagnosed with full blown AIDS.
While I was physically functional, my t-cells were below 100, I had a bad case of rosacea, and I had lost significant weight since my family last saw me. Aside from the emotional burden of questioning my own mortality, I made the decision at the time not to share my condition with family out of shame, which I honored until my father’s death in 2020.
Whether intentional or not, turns out my family almost erased two friendships from me noggin. If I could go back to the year 2000 now, I would leap out of my seat and hold Grandpa Joe’s frail body tucked in the corner of the couch close to me with a ticker full of gratitude.
While I can’t go back, the Gentleman is due his respect. I can pay tribute to Grandpa Joe today and thank him for believing in me when the rest of the family didn’t or didn’t want to. I’d like to assure him that I’m still working real hard to establish our legacy, to prove definitively that love is a frequency that can transcend space and time… even when blindfolded.
Hopscotching between timelines – the unlikely protagonist vs the man I was intended to be – isn’t easy work, especially when the mission involves not spilling a single drop of love in me ticker whilst simultaneously covering my footprints from those intending me harm.
While the outcome of our time together remains to be seen, I hope I make Grandpa Joe proud in the end. While he may have been a stranger to me on the old timeline, in this new one he’s my unchallenged hero, the Gentleman Warrior, a testament to the values of honor, integrity, and a frequency that can transcend space and time called love.
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